Nathan-

I really don't know what to say to you. I told you that you were right, that I understood why you were upset about Aaron, so I'm not arguing that point. I agree that if I was in your shoes regarding this that I would be upset as well. You consistently denied last night that Aaron was your problem. Then all the sudden it is. But, I'm not saying you have/had no right to be upset, I understand. You have the right to be upset, and I understand and I said you were right. (what more do you want?) I am going to get Norton Anti-Virus from him, and that's it. No more. He won't be coming over again, and I'm not talking to him on a regular schedule. He occasionally gets online and we chat for five and it's done. I mentioned that I couldn't get my mac networked with the PC downstairs, and he offered to come over and help me with it. I said sure, because I don't want to PAY FOR IT. (I would think you would understand that) I told you ahead of time, so that if you had some major issues with it you could let me know. You said you didn't. However, this is no reason for you to treat me the way you have the past two days. Yesterday was uncalled for, and you kept yelling at me in front of Sydney. That's not going to work, and you can't respect that I didn't want to talk about it in front of her because I didn't want to upset her.

Secondly, this thing about your dad and e-blaster, I'm not mad at your sister, I really don't care that he doesn't want it on there, and that' s fine. But, you could at least let him know that there WAS a reason it was on there, and it wasn't just there because I was nosy, or suspicious. I had reason.

I really don't see us working anything out. If I see that e-blaster hasn't been removed, I'll call your sister and tell her how to remove it.

I can't be your emotional punching bag. I make time for you, and as of school starting, I've spent more time at your house now than I have in a long time. (i.e. after work, before school) I don't know what else you want me to do for you. I try to be everything you need and want, and I do listen, even if it appears I don't. Most of the time there is a little girl who needs my attention as well, so I try to attend to both of you at the same time if need be. And this thing about your family, I don't hate them Nathan, but you make like you can't stand them most of the time yourself. How am I not going to take a hint from that?

It sounds like there are a lot of underlying issues bothering you, things you have pushed down below, and now you want to let them all out, especially how everything seemed fine, and then yesterday you totally went off on me. A lot of anger, and frustration.

Am I happy with you. I was. Do I love you? I did. I still do.

But...

I'm not going to let you take out your frustrations on me. I was there for you to talk to me about them, to listen, to offer advice. (Which I have done so repeatedly)

I can't do anymore than I already have.

I don't know what you want, you seem to want to draw away from me.

You confuse me and cause me more heartache than I deserve. Things are always said by you that hurt my feelings, and then you turn around and apologize, well, I'm not accepting anymore apologies. I'm not going to take the brunt of your frustrations anymore. It's not part of a healthy relationship, and I don't feel like putting up with it.

I haven't brought up the porn thing, or anything else that is seen by you to be "don't bring this up because it makes me feel.... " At least not purposely. It's been a long time, and for you to think it still bothers me, that makes me feel like you still have some unresolved guilt. I've let it go.

I've done more than my share in this relationship. If you feel otherwise, I'm sorry. I honestly think I did all I could do.

I love you Nathan, but it's time to call this merry-go-round of drama quits.

I don't see any way to repair what you have damaged, what I have damaged, and a way to reconcile what is left here. I believe it would be delaying the inevitable.

Any thoughts on that are welcome. I won't be calling you again. If you want to talk to me, you can email me. I don't want to talk on the phone, you are irrational and hateful, and I'm not going to subject myself to the emotional abuse, because I'm done crying.

Love,

Erika

Hearing:
Feeling:
Stressing:

past | present

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