Today is Sunday. The day after the wedding. The girl who Nathan walked down the aisle was a fucking whore. At the rehearsal dinner, she had no bra on, and a shirt that she was practically hanging out of. Even though nathan claims, he was not, I caught him looking. So, I was not happy about this. And then, yesterday. Fun. Weddings are really, really depressing. It's depressing because I know I'm not ever going to get there. I'm not ever going to be the bride. I'm not ever going to have the big beautiful white dress, and the flower girls, and the cake, and presents, the dance, the family affair.

No. I will not be getting married. Nathan has the best intentions, but when I ask him if he wants to marry me he can't look me in the eye when he says yes. And then I tell him, if you mean that, look me in the eye and say yes, and then he still looks away.

:: sigh ::

it's fun for now. I just have to pretend that I am actually okay with how things are. Even though I really want to bite off certain areas on his body at times. especailly when he wakes up at 9 am and says he would like a blow job. i'm all happy to oblige, but damn, really, I'm tired, so at least fantasize about something, anything, so you get off and I can go back to sleep.

Goodness, that sounds horrible, doesn't it?

The wedding. Nathan's immediate family was there, but no one else from their family. So, there was one table of Mike's family, but all the rest were Tara's. It was actually somewhat amusing. Except that I didn't know any fucking one, and Nathan sat up at the "big" wedding party table half the time, and the other half he stood and talked to people.

Not I, he spent maybe 1/4 of the time talking to me, or paying attention to me. Uh. yeah. I guess I'm maybe psycho. But I didn't really want to be sitting there, and talking to his family the whole night by MYSELF.

Then we get back to the hotel around 12am, and he wants to fool around. I was tired, so I said no, but then caved.

Last night when he was dancing with that dumb whore, during the "wedding party" dance, she asked him if I was his girlfriend, (duh) and if he had any kids... and about mine, and if the "father" was involved. Uh.. What the Fuck????

That's not the type of shit you ask someone you don't know. Really.

Fuck.

That irritated the hell out of me.

This morning got up, got ready, and then ate lunch at Bravo! Yummy.

Nathan paid.

Well. I asked Nathan this morning about how I was going to change Sydney's last name before she starts kindergarten, and if we were going to get married sometime in the next year, I would wait to change it, so that it was the same as "our" married name. He uh.. well... Said that I should just change it to mine. That he's not going to "take that huge step" until after we're married. I understand that, but it costs $110 dollars to change her name. So. I dunno. I guess I just wanted to know. And now I do.

I'm going to get off here and spend some time with Sydney. Nathan is watching the dumb reds game and I have a shit load of homework to do.

Ta.

Hearing: Reds Game
Feeling: Tired
Stressing: Play with Sydney

past | present

Moving On.... Again! - 12.01.04

2004 Review - 12.28.05

Happy December Everyone - 12.01.04

PS Cunt Teacher - 11.29.04

Fucking Bitch Teacher - 11.29.04