I'm at work, so this has to be quick. It is raining here. Horrible, and I'm cold. (I'm never cold, as I have a lot of padding.) Anyways.

Last night NS and I got into a huge fight. Everytime I want to talk about something that is bothering me, it turns into him saying, "I never do anything right. Nothing I do is every good enough. I can't make you happy, no matter what I do." This really annoys me and makes me want to put my fist through his head. We were arguing about how I expect him to spend time with Sy and I when the stupid damn Reds are not on the TV. Well, last night the Reds weren't on. But did he come over? Did he even WANT to come over? No. This happens all the time with things that I have going on, and when I want him to accompany me to them. He bitches and complains and sometimes refuses to go. So. We had to talk about that. He called me a psychotic bitch, to which I replied that he was a selfish, asshole who never thinks about anyone but himself and that he only ever does something if it benefits HIM. Then he said, "This is over. I knew this was going to happen. You're a bitch, blah, blah, blah."

And then of course, I'm like. UH? WTF? At the end of the conversation/argument/discussion, he says he didn't mean those things, but that he gets tired of my "mouth". This is something he has said before, a long time ago, when I was a bit of a bitch. So when things are said of this nature, they resound in my head and reiberate off every brain cell currently functioning. I tell him how those things hurt me when he says them, and I know he says them to hurt me and I don't understand why he still says those things, because I don't say things to intentionally hurt him. (As in, I don't say something, just to say it, to hurt him.) I was pissed. I meant what I said about him being a Selfish Asshole, because he is. There's no way around it. He only wants to do what he wants to do. Screw doing anything for anyone else. (He just gives me a bit of money, and everything is "smoothed" over.)

Argh. He has said he is coming over tonight. I don't expect it anymore. That's what I told him. I don't expect you to spend time with me anymore. I'm going to lower my expectations, because I keep getting let down, and I want you to do things, and be someone you can't be. So to avoid our arguments, and tantrums, I'm lowering my expectations.

that's that.

Hearing: Ohio Is For Lovers - Hawthorne Heights
Feeling: Tired
Stressing: Work

past | present

Moving On.... Again! - 12.01.04

2004 Review - 12.28.05

Happy December Everyone - 12.01.04

PS Cunt Teacher - 11.29.04

Fucking Bitch Teacher - 11.29.04