I don't know. I think I'm just going to forget it. I'm not going to put the program on there... and if I get burned later. It's on me. It's stupid to have to spy on someone. I am more adult than that. I have a way of sabotaging things. Not just my relationship with Nathan, but my friendships. Most of my friendships... one of the symptoms of my disorder is affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood.. (ie. intense ipisodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety, usually lastying a few hours and only rarely more than a few days) this has been happening a lot lately, and this one of transient, stress-related paranoid ideation. (the porn).

I fucking hate having borderline personality disorder. this is my fucking mother's fault. She' borderline too, misdiagnoised with bi-polar (i was too, at first) and she didn't form a secure attachment.. (AT ALL)..

argh!!!! I hate feeling empty and lonely.. and absolutely fucking HELPLESS to my feelings and paranoia!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the pain in my chest hurts so bad... blah. and it's my fucking birthday!!!!!

:: sigh ::

breathe.. in out.. in out.. in out... in out..

calm.. down... now.

Hearing: beyonce
Feeling: insomiac
Stressing: diary

past | present

Moving On.... Again! - 12.01.04

2004 Review - 12.28.05

Happy December Everyone - 12.01.04

PS Cunt Teacher - 11.29.04

Fucking Bitch Teacher - 11.29.04