I wanted to write an entry with meaning, but I do not think that I can. Sydney is with my grandparents right now, and I am alone. I am not often alone, so I do not know what to do with myself. Andrea, my brother's girl, is coming over here in a matter of minutes, and we are going to wally world to pick out a pattern for sydney's halloween costume. Sydney spent the night with Andrea and Levi on Friday night, and then spent the night with my Mom on Saty, and was with me last night.

Yesterday Sydney and I went swimming, she swam for the first time ever with just "floaties" on her arms. She was absolutely adorable.

I know that I do not know everything, hell, I don't know much, but one thing, that I absolutely know, is that without that little girl I would be dead. I cannot begin to think about how the parents who lose their children feel. I believe that I would cease to exist if something were to happen to Sydney. I might commit suicide, I might end up in a ward high on Haldol, but I would not be able to function in a normal way for a long period of time. In the specter of things, Sydney means everything to me, and everyone else means nothing. When compared to my daughter, everyone else is dead fucking last. And I'm so glad that for me, that is the way it is.

So many times my mother put her needs and her wants above what was good for her children. For eight years my brother and I watched her get the shit beat out of her. My mom lived in a house my grandparents owned, and my grandma told her that she couldn't see him anymore, he wasn't welcome on her property, and what does my mom do? my mom grabs us two kids, uproots us from everything we have ever known, and moves us into a shit hole apartment so that she can see her ass-clown of an abusive boyfriend. She didn't care about us then. If she had, she wouldn't have done that to us.

Oh, and the minute someone would lay even a FINGER on Sydney, it would be their last. I would seriously have some ass to kick. But, my mother and her boyfriend, took us to Dale Hallow, and because I didn't want to get in the water at night to knee board, he picks me up and throws me in off the boat, and then does the same to my brother, then when we are gotten back in the boat by my mother, he drives the fucking boat (it was a speed boat) like a bat out of hell, we all could have died.

Did she leave him then?

No.

First of all, I would NEVER be with someone like that, secondly, if I was stupid enough to be with someone like that, I would have left him for good after he touched my kids.

Why didn't anyone try to get us kids away from her? She was unfit.

Unfit, Unfit, Unfit.

It's called Child Endangerment.

Why do I have issues with my mother...

I wonder ...

Hearing: Air Conditioner
Feeling: Pissed
Stressing: Going to get ready to leave.

past | present

Moving On.... Again! - 12.01.04

2004 Review - 12.28.05

Happy December Everyone - 12.01.04

PS Cunt Teacher - 11.29.04

Fucking Bitch Teacher - 11.29.04