So, it's been exactly ten days since I wrote in this online diary. This is bad, considering that I am also not writing in my "real life" journal. A few things have happened. I've done some fun things, some not so fun things, some stupid things, and some smart things.

1. I quit that stupid, fucking, brainless, abusive, bitch of a job I was working. (This could be classified as stupid or smart I guess it depends on how long it takes me to find another job.

2. I interviewed for a social work assistants position in a local nursing home. The girl that I interviewed with is only a year older than me and she's really awesome. She would be my "boss" but I think she would rock. I got a tour and everything... let's cross our fingers. not necessarily smart, but definitley good.

3. I just learned how to spell definitley. is that right?? :)

4. I attended a "fun" party. This is a sex toy/lubricant/drinking/women fiasco. It was quite enjoyable, and I felt really, really dirty after handling all those dildos/vibes. (I drive a Vibe, so even driving home I felt DIRTY!) Fun, definitley fun. I have a pic as well... I think

5. I really am going to get into shape. I am I am I am. smart

And now to get away from the whole "list" thing, and the quotations...

For anyone who reads this, I am someone who suffers with Borderline Personality Disorder. This disorder fucks with people who suffer with it, and their families, so bad, that therapists, do not even like or often even REFUSE to see people who suffer with this disorder.

You can learn more about it here at The Borderline Sanctuary or you can go to BPD website.

Anyways, I am also a mental health major, and so I have educated myself and have learned to spot the troublesome symptoms to this disorder. I am starting to recognize that I am having quite a bit of symptoms as of late.

I am wanting to pull out of my relationship with Nathan. Everything is great. Better than ever.

I shouldn't pull away. But what if he hurts me again?

(This is what my inside bpd is saying)

Everything is great, so now, I need to sabatoge it.

Sabatoge school, work, and my relationship.

I need to talk to someone who understands.... no one understands.

:: sigh ::

Yet, here I am again, fighting my own, internal battle.

Wish me luck.

Hearing: Blood Red Summer - Coheed and Cambria
Feeling: Confused and Weird
Stressing: I'm going to go to bed after this.

past | present

Moving On.... Again! - 12.01.04

2004 Review - 12.28.05

Happy December Everyone - 12.01.04

PS Cunt Teacher - 11.29.04

Fucking Bitch Teacher - 11.29.04