wow. i am in a shitty mood. okay.. so it all started last night when I was at Nathan's, and I'm looking at all the cards I've bought him over the past four years and there are quite a few cards and I'm getting sentimental, and thinking about how pathetic I was when I wrote in some of those cards, when I stumble across a reciept for Donna's, the B & B we went to in April of 2001. only, this receipt is dated for November of 2001, and was reserved in July of 2001. Okay, here's the deal, Nathan and I broke up in October of 2001, and we were both seeing other people. Well, I asked him about it, and he flipped out on me, telling me that we were together and that was the date that we went, and I was informing him that no, we had broken up, and that we were not together November of 2001. Well, I asked who he went with, and he went off about me "snooping" around, and I wasn't!! He knew I was laying there right beside him looking at the cards he had that I bought him, and then he says, we need to talk, all serious and shit, and how he's "tired of all this shit", which I take to be a threat, (*and he's threatened me twice in the past two months) and so my fight or flight response kicks in, and I grab all pictures of me and Sydney, and I leave. Well.... I haven't been happy for awhile anyways.

One thing that has really been bothering me lately, is that I go over there at least TWICE a week, after I have been at work all day, and then school all afternoon/night. I go over there and am usually there for two-three hours, and then I come home. I could just come home, but I don't, because I figure we can spend time together. Lately, I feel that I am being taken advantage of, and I told him so last night, that he hasn't been coming over here, but I've been going over there and I don't think it's fair that the only reason we see each other is because I make the effort, and he DOESN'T!!!!! And so, we talked about a lot of things... and I apologized for over reacting.... but.... then today, I worked ALL Day, and he worked half a day. I get home at 5 and he calls me, and I asked if he was going to come over, and he says, "I have to get ready and jump in the shower." Only, he doesn't just "say" it normally, he does it with his "tone". Which, I pick up on and say, if you don't want to come over, then don't come over... and I was pissed... and he's like, I didn't say I didn't want to come over, and i told him that I didn't say that he said that, but his tone changed and I could tell.. and that if he really wanted to be over here and see me, he would have already been ready, and he would have been here when I got home from work.. but what the fuck ever. So I hung up on him, then he calls me back an hour later, and says are you mad at me... blah blah.. .(of course I'm fucking mad at you, dumbass!!!) and I say, are you coming over, and he does it again, and I'm like, you know what, forget about it.. and he goes.. can I watch the game?

(Little SIDE note... I FUCKING HATE BASEBALL WITH MY ENTIRE BEING, SINCE I'M SUPPOSEDLY NOW, NOT AS IMPORTANT AS BASEBALL, AND I'LL BE TAKING A SIDE SEAT NOW SEEING AS BASEBALL IS ON EVERY FUCKING GOD DAMNED NIGHT!!!!!!!!)

I say, what time is the game on, he says 10.... well.. it was 6 pm, and i said, come over and then you can leave at 9 to go home and watch the game.. and he goes....

"there's no point then."

And I hang up the phone and go to bed.

Fuck that. There's no point..... I work 8 hours... and go to school for 4, and then I drive my tired ass over to his house for 2-3 hours.. and it's all good.. and worth it to him, and it's great.. because he gets head, or sex or whatever.. but god damned.. i want him to come over here for a few hours.. and he says that there's no fucking point

FUCK THAT. BULL SHIT.

Just in case you forgot Nathan, you are an insensitive, selfish, jerk. You only think about yourself... and from now on, you can jack off in the shower, and do whatever the fuck it is you gotta do for you, because right now, you have stopped being a god damned PRIORITY!!!!!!!!!

GOD... I am so fucking mad..... argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was thinking about taking sydney to the zoo tomorrow.. but I don't think it's going to happen, first of all, i don't have any money, and secondly, i don't know what the weather is going to do, but i'll bet it's going to be beautiful, and then next weekend when i have money, it's going to suck donkey dick.

fuck fuck fuck fuck

Hearing: Hum of the Air Conditioner
Feeling: Mad, Mad, Mad
Stressing: Updating Diary, then Bed?

past | present

Moving On.... Again! - 12.01.04

2004 Review - 12.28.05

Happy December Everyone - 12.01.04

PS Cunt Teacher - 11.29.04

Fucking Bitch Teacher - 11.29.04